For the non topic worthy jokes ;)

Funny stories , jokes, one liners or cartoons , place them in here and brighten up someones day .
Post Reply
User avatar
marymary
Global Moderator
Posts: 7808
Joined: December 31st, 2009, 7:59 pm
Has thanked: 29 times
Been thanked: 39 times

Re: For the non topic worthy jokes ;)

Post by marymary »

In Paris I loved a fast food joint called Hit Roti. Hot roast beef- yum yum.

User avatar
marymary
Global Moderator
Posts: 7808
Joined: December 31st, 2009, 7:59 pm
Has thanked: 29 times
Been thanked: 39 times

Re: For the non topic worthy jokes ;)

Post by marymary »

Let’s hope not.
1F40D7F3-93C7-49CE-8FB6-600AABCC61C2.jpeg

User avatar
digger
Sys_op.
Posts: 2372
Joined: December 31st, 2009, 9:45 pm
Location: Round the bend
Has thanked: 10 times
Been thanked: 19 times
Contact:

To go or not to go

Post by digger »

decisions :D
maybenot.GIF
maybenot.GIF (93.99 KiB) Viewed 938 times
To display sig. banner ...key alt+F4

User avatar
Little John
member
Posts: 11734
Joined: January 2nd, 2010, 1:46 pm
Location: SE London
Has thanked: 62 times
Been thanked: 30 times

Re: For the non topic worthy jokes ;)

Post by Little John »

I must try that next April. :D
Yes this is the real "Little John"

User avatar
salem
dogsbody
Posts: 2425
Joined: December 9th, 2008, 7:13 pm
Location: In a timewarp
Been thanked: 9 times

similar lines

Post by salem »

must be the season :D
part two.GIF

User avatar
digger
Sys_op.
Posts: 2372
Joined: December 31st, 2009, 9:45 pm
Location: Round the bend
Has thanked: 10 times
Been thanked: 19 times
Contact:

Re: For the non topic worthy jokes ;)

Post by digger »

To display sig. banner ...key alt+F4

User avatar
Little John
member
Posts: 11734
Joined: January 2nd, 2010, 1:46 pm
Location: SE London
Has thanked: 62 times
Been thanked: 30 times

Re: For the non topic worthy jokes ;)

Post by Little John »

Cute. Lady P is sometimes a bit like that.
Yes this is the real "Little John"

User avatar
digger
Sys_op.
Posts: 2372
Joined: December 31st, 2009, 9:45 pm
Location: Round the bend
Has thanked: 10 times
Been thanked: 19 times
Contact:

Re: For the non topic worthy jokes ;)

Post by digger »

A BSA owner was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of pounds for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten pounds and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you spend this on motorcycle parts instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't had a motorcycle in 20 years!"

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?
The man replied.......

"That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking and motorbikes”
To display sig. banner ...key alt+F4

User avatar
salem
dogsbody
Posts: 2425
Joined: December 9th, 2008, 7:13 pm
Location: In a timewarp
Been thanked: 9 times

sun

Post by salem »

:hide:
sun.GIF
sun.GIF (76.41 KiB) Viewed 275 times

User avatar
digger
Sys_op.
Posts: 2372
Joined: December 31st, 2009, 9:45 pm
Location: Round the bend
Has thanked: 10 times
Been thanked: 19 times
Contact:

Social distancing

Post by digger »

:hide:
ww.GIF
ww.GIF (49.59 KiB) Viewed 263 times
To display sig. banner ...key alt+F4

User avatar
marymary
Global Moderator
Posts: 7808
Joined: December 31st, 2009, 7:59 pm
Has thanked: 29 times
Been thanked: 39 times

Re: For the non topic worthy jokes ;)

Post by marymary »

Herald

Hank Black has been arguing with his wife, of late, about whether they want kids are not. “My son is taking it really hard,” adds Hank.

User avatar
Little John
member
Posts: 11734
Joined: January 2nd, 2010, 1:46 pm
Location: SE London
Has thanked: 62 times
Been thanked: 30 times

Re: For the non topic worthy jokes ;)

Post by Little John »

Well I've googled that and found the exact quote typo and all but still no explanation.
Yes this is the real "Little John"

User avatar
marymary
Global Moderator
Posts: 7808
Joined: December 31st, 2009, 7:59 pm
Has thanked: 29 times
Been thanked: 39 times

Re: For the non topic worthy jokes ;)

Post by marymary »

They are talking about whether they want children after they have at least one child...😉

User avatar
SRD
Rantipole
Posts: 7500
Joined: December 31st, 2009, 7:23 pm
Location: Wiltshire
Has thanked: 33 times
Been thanked: 27 times
Contact:

Re: For the non topic worthy jokes ;)

Post by SRD »

I think most parents, at some time or another, rue the day they had kids.
Children are like Slinkys - not much use for anything, but it always brings a smile to your face when you throw them down the stairs. Chinchilla

User avatar
marymary
Global Moderator
Posts: 7808
Joined: December 31st, 2009, 7:59 pm
Has thanked: 29 times
Been thanked: 39 times

Re: For the non topic worthy jokes ;)

Post by marymary »

Dear Mr Wicks,

I appreciate everything you are trying to do with your 'P.E. with Joe' lessons every morning, but I do have some constructive criticism, if you wouldn't mind taking it on board for future lessons:

1. Stop pretending your target audience is the kids. I know this is meant to be in lieu of the P.E. lessons they would ordinarily be having at school, but most of them gave up on Monday (I know ours did), so the sooner you realise your audience is mostly made up of flabby middle-aged folk like me, who are only taking part because it is a welcome distraction from their own children / trying to work from home / watching daytime TV while eating biscuits by the packet, the better.

2. With that in mind, I have some recommendations for those of us who are badly out of shape and unaccustomed to fitness work-outs. While I suspect the women taking part have had the good sense to put on a sports bra each morning, a reminder for the men to perhaps wear something 'secure' downstairs wouldn't go amiss. I mistakenly took part in my loose fitting pyjama shorts this morning, and to say my junk was behaving erratically would be an understatement (especially during the 'bunny hops', where I honestly thought my wife was going to be sick in her mouth).

3. A similar warning for those of us over six foot tall would also be welcome. It's all well and good getting us to 'jump up and reach for the stars', but I very nearly punched an LED spotlight clean off our ceiling this morning, and those f*ck aren't cheap.

4. Equally, if you do acknowledge that most of us are not children, I suspect the 'bunny hops' and 'kangaroo jumps' may cease anyway, but, if they do continue, please warn us to do little jumps, as I alternated this morning between hitting my head on the ceiling, and sending my colossal weight crashing through the living room floorboards each time I landed.

5. That said, I quite liked the Spiderman moves (even though I couldn't get my knee all the way to the floor, so I looked less like Spiderman, and more like a geriatric pensioner bowling), but please bear in mind that advising us to jump up and bounce off the wall to our right only works if we actually have a wall next to us. I had an open door and, in the heat of the moment, I damn near went down the f*ck stairs.

Other than that, keep up the good work, and I'm sorry for calling you a 'sadistic cockney bellend' half way through the workout.

Post Reply