For the non topic worthy jokes ;)

Funny stories , jokes, one liners or cartoons , place them in here and brighten up someones day .
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Lady P
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Re: For the non topic worthy jokes ;)

Postby Lady P » February 9th, 2016, 10:09 am

Must remember that Jerry and the pacemaker, BOOM BOOM



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Re: For the non topic worthy jokes ;)

Postby digger » February 19th, 2016, 3:20 pm

A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6"

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had avocados."

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marymary
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Re: For the non topic worthy jokes ;)

Postby marymary » February 19th, 2016, 5:37 pm

:)

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In memory of Sylvia Anderson

Postby SRD » March 16th, 2016, 8:00 am

Lady Penelope is out for a drive in her pink Rolls Royce (number plate FAB 1) with her trusty chauffeur, Parker, in the driving seat. She reclines elegantly across the back seat chatting to Jeff Tracy on the I.R. phone. Suddenly the car slows and comes to a halt. Parker's voice comes through the intercom "We appear to hav broken down Milady, I'll take a look at the engine." He gets out, lifts the bonnet, goes round to the boot, takes out his toolbox and sets to tinkering with the engine. After a while Lady P gets bored and climbs out and watches him burrowing into the engine space. Every so often, without looking up, he reaches into the toolbox and feels around for a different item. He seems to have used all the different tools, but at one point he can't seem to find the right one, shuffling around in the toolbox with his fingers without ever looking up. Lady P, looking over the discarded tools and noticing the lack of one particular item asks "Would you like a screwdriver?"
"Not just now Milady, Hi'll fix the car first hif you don't mind waiting."
Children are like Slinkys - not much use for anything, but it always brings a smile to your face when you throw them down the stairs. Chinchilla

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Re: For the non topic worthy jokes ;)

Postby digger » March 16th, 2016, 7:24 pm

:D Nothing like an oldy
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Re: For the non topic worthy jokes ;)

Postby digger » April 3rd, 2016, 10:06 pm

pillow talk.jpg
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Little John
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Re: For the non topic worthy jokes ;)

Postby Little John » April 4th, 2016, 12:21 pm

Not bad.

:-)
Yes this is the real "Little John"

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Re: For the non topic worthy jokes ;)

Postby digger » February 26th, 2017, 11:20 am

FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.
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Little John
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Re: For the non topic worthy jokes ;)

Postby Little John » February 26th, 2017, 12:09 pm

:-D
Yes this is the real "Little John"

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Lady P
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Re: For the non topic worthy jokes ;)

Postby Lady P » February 27th, 2017, 7:17 pm

So true :D

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From kissing to wedding in 9 hours 15 minutes

Postby SRD » April 10th, 2017, 8:47 am

via petting and f*ck

From kissing to wedding in 9h 15m.jpg
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Children are like Slinkys - not much use for anything, but it always brings a smile to your face when you throw them down the stairs. Chinchilla

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Re: For the non topic worthy jokes ;)

Postby SRD » April 16th, 2017, 7:42 am

John the Baptist is down by the Sea of Galilee getting on with the job of Baptising a long queue of waiting people. Eventually along comes a little bloke with dark hair, John does the usual, seizes him, dunks him under the water, drags him back up and says "Did you see the Lord?" The little bloke says "No" so John grabs him by the hair and dunks back under. He pulls him up and says to him again "Did you see the Lord?" The little bloke, sneezing and spluttering says "No, are you sure it was here he fell in?"
Children are like Slinkys - not much use for anything, but it always brings a smile to your face when you throw them down the stairs. Chinchilla

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Little John
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Re: For the non topic worthy jokes ;)

Postby Little John » April 16th, 2017, 3:19 pm

:-D
Yes this is the real "Little John"

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Re: For the non topic worthy jokes ;)

Postby SRD » December 11th, 2017, 8:15 am

Heard on the radio a couple of days ago:
Q: What do you call a reindeer that doesn't have any eyes?

A: I don't know.
Children are like Slinkys - not much use for anything, but it always brings a smile to your face when you throw them down the stairs. Chinchilla

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Little John
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Re: For the non topic worthy jokes ;)

Postby Little John » December 11th, 2017, 10:40 am

What do you call a reindeer that isn't moving and has no eyes?

A: Still Don't know.

(Next.......)
Yes this is the real "Little John"


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