For the non topic worthy jokes ;)

[marymary]

[marymary]

Not a parody apparently

[marymary]

[marymary]

I recently matched with a French guy in my city, and while I speak French I quickly realized he speaks French from France in 2025 whereas I speak French from school in 1970.

So it went something like this:

Him: What’s up, my guy?
Me: Verily I sayeth unto thee, it goeth well…with many thanks.

[Little John]

There was a Dutch Couple who stayed at our caravan site while the Husband (some sort of geneticist consultant) was doing a stint at Guy's hospital.

We got friendly with them but an acquaintance of ours, with a reputation for being a bit boring and egocentric and too clever for his own good, started talking to them in Dutch". When he left, they asked " who was that guy?" We said his mame and they asked why he was speaking old Dutch.

[marymary]

Cracker jokes


The "top ten"




1. Why is Prince Andrew not writing any Christmas books? He hasn’t got any titles.

2. Why don’t Noel and Liam want to open their presents early on Christmas morning? They need a little time to wake up.

3. Which pop star carves her own wooden nativity scene? Sabrina Carpenter.

4. What do Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor and a snowman have in common? They’re both out in the cold.

5. What is a French burglar’s favourite Christmas film? Louvre, Actually.

6. Could Lily Allen and David Harbour get back together for Christmas? Stranger Things have happened.

7. Why won’t Angela Rayner get any Christmas presents this year? Santa can’t decide which address to deliver to.

8. What is Claudia Winkleman’s favourite part of Christmas dinner? The Taters.

9. Does Celia Imrie beat her family at Christmas party games? Yes, she trumps them all.


10. Where has Santa been more than Nigel Farage? His house in Clacton.


11. Why have elephants got big ears?
Because Noddy won't pay the ransom!

[Little John]

No worse than others I've seen. Although I did like the Farage one.

[marymary]

Genuine cracker jokes apparently

[marymary]

[marymary]

For my partner's Christmas present, I took him to an orchard and we stood there looking at the trees for half an hour.

Not the Apple Watch he was expecting apparently.

[marymary]

Turns out Trump was just trying to ban vuvuzelas from the world cup and it's all got out of hand.

[marymary]

[marymary]

Man in the pub offers €100 to whoever can down 10 pints without stopping. Paddy leaves for a few minutes then comes back and does it, all 10. After winning they ask "Where did you go paddy?"
"To another pub, had to see if I could do it first."

[marymary]

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/19Cs3FTh9S/



Honestly hard to tell parody anymore.

[marymary]